Everything

Quite simply, this shows just how I feel. :)

stupid self esteem.

haven't written in a long time. Felt the need to vent because I'm upset. I had been starting to feel pretty OK about my body and how I looked and then I got gas and the stupid fucking lady asked me if I was having a baby. So much for feeling skinny. At least 5 people have asked me this in the past 3 years. WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE? DON'T YOU KNOW THAT'S RUDE?? If someone is not like 8-9 months pregnant then don't ask!!

now excuse me while I go be a girl and dwell on this.

I just want to be skinny again and I feel like I will never get there.

Comfort

All moved in to the new place and I love it so much. Having our own space is incredibly wonderful feeling. Feeling comfortable and feel at "home" is so great.

Now one of these days we'll actually get all unpacked.....

Yay!!!

We're moving on Monday into our very own apartment! Yay!!!!

sad

Things go up, up, up, up, UP, and then one stupid thing makes everything go DOWN.


if anyone knows of a decent, cheap, place, Willi and I need to move.

Santa Cruz

Willi and I had a super fun time down in Santa Cruz. It was so nice to be away from work and everything else. The weather was gorgeous. I'll try to post some pics tmrw on the old facebook.

I wish I could just always be off work and hang out at the beach. haha.

A couple days away (FINALLY)

Because we're no longer going to Washington next month (sigh) we're going to take a couple days for Willi's birthday and go stay at his aunt's house and go to a wonderful dinner at Manresa. I'm excited. It'll be fun. Simultaneously it will also be our 6 month mark. CRAZY.

Penguins and Disneyland!

I can hardly belive my lucky stars. Penguins are playing the Ducks (in Anaheim) the very first day that I will be in Disneyland, which OBVIOUSLY means I will be going. AAAAAnd they are playing the Sharks (in San Jose) the day we come HOME. Which ALSO OBVIOUSLY means we'll be going to THAT game as well. AND if I REALLY wanted to, I could see them play the Kings (in LA) while I'm down there too...I would just have to drive a little...but the Ducks and Sharks games are most definitely on the docket.

I'm stoked.

umm sorry!!

It's been awhile since I hit the blog. I haven't had a real internet connection for more than maybe 15 minutes at a time. Hopefully we'll get a router soon to fix the no internet situation at home. wait back up...let me clarify for you where HOME is (or will be within a week or so...officially) home will be with Willi. :) I'm officially moving in which means I get to bring aaaaall my crap with me. Luckily, we're moving into the back of the house with much more space...PLUS! a brand new pretty bathroom all to ourselves! Exciting stuff!

Other then that...I'm terribly excited about Ash finally being here. He's unbelievably adorable, and so little! I always seem to forget just how small newborns are. It's pretty crazy. Kamecia and Kyle look so happy that he's finally here. They have a whole family now! yay!

I was going to add something else on here and my mind has gone completely blank. I hate that. It's been a long week though...

still feelin it!

The taste of victory is sweet...

The best team won. Pittsburgh Penguins win the cup.


my team is amazing.


hossa is a chump.

Update time!

I feel like I very rarely update on life lately, I apologize for that! Let me update you all on the past week or so...

Last wednesday night I took my parents in for dinner at Martini House. We sat right across from Willi's spot on the line so we could watch him and I could make googly, lovey eyes at him haha. Fara(sp?) was our server and she was wonderful to us. And right after being sat down, even before we got some water, D-Lo came and poured us each a glass of Mirabelle. So in my book, good start. hehe. We had a ridiculous amount of food, let me recap it for you lovely readers:

First we had a delicious amuse bouche that had a mushroom mousse pastry thing, a cheese pastry puff thing, and some other thing that had fried capers on it (yeah I know...specific-it's been over a week now, I can't remember this portion so well.) Next we had another amuse, a sunchoke panna cotta which was wonderful. And finally we had a tiny cup of cream of mushroom soup which was, as always, utterly fantastic. This was also when the wine pairing started for my parents (I was driving and secondly I don't like wine, so I stayed with my bubbly).

Now the real courses begin...first was the DEVINE Beef carpaccio with fried and marinated artichokes. Seriously...it was PERFECT. I think this was my favorite of the night even though everything was unbelievable. For the next course we had a chilled sweet pea coulis with sauteed morels, marble potatoes, and pickled ramps. The flavors of this dish blended so beautifully. Next was Willi's dish he was most excited about preparing for us, a lobster volauvent with spring veggies (a fancy pot pie really...) This was amazing...it was the first time I had ever eaten lobster, but I loved it. Next was the only dish that Willi did not prepare personally for us, some sauteed Maine sea scallops with king trumpet mushrooms and other veggies. This was really good as well (even though Willi said it wasn't seared enough.) For the last main course we had roasted lamb with procini mushrooms, fiddleheads, and "tater todds" hehe. and it was exceptional. This was finally when my stomach was starting to fight me on how much food I could fit in there...but I ate every bite so far, so I wasn't going to stop now!

The after courses....First was a cheese course with 5 different cheeses. They were each utterly devourable...BUT I couldn't finish them so I took these home. Then we had desserts. We had a rice pudding brought to us. Then I had something that had honey...honest to god can't remember what it was. haha but it was sooooo tasty. And my parents each had different desserts (but they shared) and on one of them was an edible plaque that said "thank you mom and dad" that Willi had Chef Jen make for me! It was cute. and FINALLY we had a pineapple sorbet for post dessert.

Needless to say, we were STUFFED. Never have I had that much food in my life, much less that much food that was THE BEST FOOD EVER. Willi prepared everything but the scallops (and desserts) and it was all simply amazing. He's so good at what he does, and he's so passionate about it. It was such a cool experience being able to watch him in his element.

The Martini House family was SO good to us. They gave me a FANTASTIC deal on the whole meal, I was SHOCKED when I opened the bill and it was SO LOW. And nearly everyone came over to our table and made us feel at home. And it was really neat to show my parents all the people Willi and I mention. They had a great time, and I'm so glad I got to treat them to that experience. It was special.

Other than that...I've been great! Work is starting to pick up a little bit which is nice. On Friday night Willi and I went ice skating and we had a great time. Playing imaginary hockey is ultra fun when you have a whole NHL sized rink to 2 people. Then on Saturday we went to see Hangover, and it was pretty funny. We wanted to see Star Trek but it wasn't playing anymore. The rest of the weekend was chill, spent mostly at home.

And on top of that ALL...game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals just ended a bit ago...was PHENOMENAL! We forced game 7 and i'm SO STOKED.

GO PENGUINS!!!!!!!!!!!

Anything other than...

I heard this song for the first time in a LONG time today and it felt so right for a few reasons that i won't go into here. :)



I don't want to be anything other than me.

Life is beautiful

Sure I may have had a few things out of my control get me down this week...but I woke up this morning to a beautiful single rose on the nightstand. Then when I walked in the other room there was a giant vase full of the most beautiful flowers, arranged by my man. I am loved. I love him. He is amazing.


edward cullen ain't got shit on willi nordby. :)

blah

I can't help but feel left the fuck out. i hate it. and i hate that i can't really talk about it except for with one person. i hate feeling like this when it's so stupid. i hate being so emotional still even though i've come so far from where i used to be.


i'm giving serious thought to S.A. and it's scary...but exciting.

Mommy Friends

Seeing as how 3 out of 5 of my followers are mothers (or GOING to be mothers!) I just wanted to wish you all a big HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! I love you all and think you are amazing women.

blahness

So as some of you may know, about a week and a half ago I sprianed my ankle (retarded fall...). Well today it started hurting way worse than it has for the past week. I started hobbling again. 1800 MGs of ibuprofin in one day and the pain is still pretty outrageous. I just want to spend one whole day either sitting with my foot up or just laying in bed. standing on it all day and walking on it is obviously only making it worse. I hate my clumsy-ness.
I feel like I need a vacation soon. august just can't come quick enough...

WOW

I expect there is going to be a good amount of trading going on this summer for the Sharks. That's just sad. FIRST ROUND...apparently being #1 in the league doesn't mean enough when you still can't bring it in the playoffs. well...I guess I'll have to wait another year for my Pens vs. Sharks final. Anyways....GO PENGUINS!! take it all the way again!!!!

smash smash smash!

This week at work I feel like I'm going insane. Don is gone and both the copy department and mail department are all on me. I think I'm doing quite well honestly, but it's a lot to keep up with. Monday was the day from hell though, every machine I touched broke it seemed like. The service tech for the big copier had to come out and I had to call the service tech for the inserter to walk me through how to fix that machine too. it was a LONG day. Tuesday was super long and the color copier kept jamming because one of the CSR's needed a double sided piece on 88lb stock...I realize most of you don't know what that means...but just know that it's a HEAVY card stock and that machine does NOT like to run it...especially not double sided. So for the 150 sheets of that I had to run, I stopped to unjam the machine every 2-4 pieces. I wanted to take that machine outside and "office space" it...yeah...you know what i mean. However I feel that way about almost every piece of equipment in that building. There has been so much shit to do it's crazy. If it was in the hands of 2 people, like normal, it would be slow probably...but I'm the only one and I've got a lot on my plate. However, both John (co-owner) and Ed (production manager) have told me multiple times that I'm doing a great job and they tease that they don't need to bring Don back...so I guess that's a good sign. So tell me then, where's the raise?? I learned Copy in 3 weeks and am flying solo this week...I think I deserve a little extra somethin somethin! hahaha. At least I've been getting full hours this week. that's a nice change.

I made Willi some carrot cupcakes last night. They taste good...but I think they could have been better. Definitely needed to be more moist...must adjust recipe. And my frosting didn't taste cream cheesey enough. There will be another attempt soon. But first I must make a cake for my Grandparent's 50th Anniversary bbq my dad is throwing this weekend. Not sure how to decorate it yet. my grandma is very traditional so I can't make it all cutesy and shit...so I'll think of something. Bleh...it also means family time with my dad's side of the family. don't get me wrong, I love my family-they're family...I am just more excited to spend time with the other side...or at least half of the other side. lol. I was more a fan of the family when I was the youngest cousin...kids...bleh. well I guess they're not all "kids" anymore...but they're all under 16 and in my book, that makes you a kid. Willi will be there with me for a while before he goes into to work though.

This week is wearing me out...I need a good weekend. Maybe go see a movie Friday night...

it's been a while...

I haven't posted in a while...in case any of you faithful readers are curious, life is still wonderful. :)

work is lame, school is lame, but everything outside of that is great. willi is amazing. we don't have to directly deal with stupid drama anymore and I've taken measures to cut certain people out of my life that were causes of said drama. And I must say, it feels wonderful. I'm sorry that Willi still deals with these people on a day to day basis, but hopefully it's not as bad anymore.

The baby shower is rapidly approaching, but I think Nicole (the new MRS. BLAZER!!) and I have a pretty good handle on it. The location has yet to be set, but it's one of two places so we'll figure it out soon. We will be sending invites/e-vites soon. I think it will be a lot of fun, and super cute! I'm very much so looking forward to make the cupcakes with Nicole. :)

I was definitely sad to miss Nicole's wedding but I felt reassured of my decision when I found out all the trash talking that took place amongst a few folks when I left the shower. And I know Nick and Nicole were sad, but at the same time I know they understood why I didn't go. I feel like everyone in the bridal party was able to have a better time with me not being there. I'm hoping that we won't have to deal with the same drama when it comes to Kamecia's baby shower (and wedding for that matter!)

On a somewhat related note I just wanted to state this for a final time in new words... I am extremely happy with where I am in life, who I am in love with, and who I am friends with. If you're not accepting of this, that's fine. If you want to go and say one thing to my face and a completely different thing to everyone else, then do NOT consider yourself to be one of my friends, and don't be surprised when I cut you out of my life. We're all grown ups and I'm done with the drama. If that means that I can count my friends on less than two hands, then so be it, at least I know that those people are going to love and support me through thick and thin. I know who those people are now, and I could not be more thankful of them.

meeting the family...

so i had an awesome weekend this past weekend. I went with Willi down to Morgan HIll and Castro Valley to meet all his Mom's siblings and their families. I had a really great time and was thoroughly exhausted when we finally got home saturday night. Sunday was a wonderful lazy day, we even played frisbee at the park. a whole weekend with him not working was pretty awesome.

he's all moved into his new place and we're just arranging (and rearranging) everything and starting to unpack. it's brought up a conversation or two that has me eagerly looking forward to the future. :)

got to hang out with the bestie and her fiancee on sunday night. that was fun. i'm very glad that willi likes them. they're like family. bbqs at their house make me think of summer and I can't believe how friggin close it is. i love the summertime...even though it doesn't mean the same thing as it did as a kid. i still enjoy the warm summer nights and hanging out with my friends. and this summer i'm taking a trip that i'm more than excited about. so yeah...summer is awesome.

well i'm tired and i think it shows in my writing...i'm going to nap until my boo gets off work. :)

my love

you are my inspiration. you are what makes me feel young. you are what gets me going. you are the one who makes me smile. you make my heart jump (and not in the crazy stressed out way-have you noticed I haven't been having heart issues??) you are my logic. you are my spontaneity. you are my calm. you are my crazy. you are my breathe. you are my anchor. you are the hand I hold when I feel pain. you are the ears i tell my all to. you are the lips that i pass my everything to in a kiss. you are the eyes i find my heart in. you are the arms in which i fall.

you are one of the greatest things to ever come into my life.

i am crazy for you.

you are my love.



*and you are most definitely my edward cullen*




ps. sorry for the sappiness...but my heart needed a place to overflow for a minute...

...but you know I'm yours

new new new!

I got a new piece done today and couldn't be happier with it. Big symbol for my life now...I'm thrilled it came out so beautifully. I'll put a better picture up when I have one...

Giddy

*highest pitch squeal you can imagine coming from somewhere in my body*

FRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEND!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO EFFING HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


love you!!!!

just another brick in the wall...

been listening to a lot of Pink Floyd lately...Stevie Ray Vaughn too. May seem like a strange combo, but to me it's my childhood...but grown up.

Had a wonderful weekend. Was low key but amazing still. Met Willi's ex g/f, katie , and she took us to lunch at Bouchon which was delicious. I REALLY wanted to go to the bakery for some dessert but they were pretty packed. oh well, there's always another time. Katie was nice. I felt somewhat uncomfortable at first, but then stopped caring and enjoyed myself. I spent the majority of the rest of the day sleeping. haha. I haven't slept that much in one day in a while. It felt good.

Before all this, on Saturday, was Nicole's bridal shower. Had a pretty good time. It's always nice to see Ashley, I don't see her nearly enough. Went with Kamecia (which btw, thanks for the hair do! always love it) And Rosey was there too which was neat. Nicole was super cute. I got a bit tipsy, but I felt tense when I first got there so the couple drinks helped. Later that night I finished Dexter season two, let me say that it is AMAZING. I can't wait to start watching season 3.

Waiting for my boo to get off. Sometimes I hate being on such a different schedule. We're going to Washington in August for a trip with his family. I'm pretty excited about it. I get to meet his parents, they already love me- so I'm ecstatic to make them actually know me and love me. haha. Definitely looking forward to that. But there is so much going on before that I can hardly take it. The next few months are going to be super busy.

YAY!!!

Weekend time! my favorite time of the week.

know why? :)

knots

I have a couple knots in my back the past few days that Willi will work out for me, and then BAM the next day they're back. I hate my back. HATE IT.

Anyways. almost Friday. I am beginning to truly hate the weekdays. they go by so slow and I am tired of school and work. Speaking of school, I just took my mid term for history and I think I did decently. A bunch of people left way before me (keep in mind it's an essay based test, not multiple choice) so I'm thinking that's a good sign-I had more to say. And now I have a bunch of homework I need to finish for psychology before tomorrow night. I'd prefer to get it out of the way tonight so #1 I don't run into technically problems with the website and #2 I can spend time with willi- and my boo CHELSIE!!! I'm so excited to see her. Things better go through, I miss her.

Supposedly going to dinner with my brother and aunt this evening. Should be fun. i have been starving ALL day, and it's been that horrible nauseating hunger for the past like 4 hours. it's terrible.

work sucked today. I'm pretty sure everyday at work has sucked for the past bit of time though...

i can't wait to run away.

head burstage

do you ever hear something and it just makes your head want to explode at how insanely ridiculous it is? and at the same time it breaks your heart because it's hurtful and makes no sense? I'm having one of those moments and just want to crawl in bed with willi and forget about it. forget about them.

i'm sorry it's come to writing you all off. but i don't need that crap in my life.

Epic Weekend...

This weekend was absolutely amazing. It really all started on Thursday when I found I would not need to come in to work on Friday. After work I went to school and then I hung out with two of my favorite girls (Kamecia and Lily). We had pizza and had good girl talk and watched The Office. I love hanging out with Kamecia and I really need to do it more. So after I left Kamecia's I went home and got all cute and around 11 or so I drove up to St. Helena and went to Anna's Cantina. Willi was going to meet me there when he got off work, but in the meantime Ben and Kristin were there so I hung around them for the short time when Willi wasn't there yet. I had an effing blast there. I actually danced...for a long time. Granted I had drinks in me...but still, I had so much fun that I could probably dance again WITHOUT being tipsy. haha. We all stayed until they closed and then Willi and I proceeded to go to Paul's house but we had pressing matters to attend to and didn't stay long. hehe. Paul is so funny, he gave me a hug goodbye (so this means 2 of Willi's friends like me now! score! LMAO)

So on to Friday...Slept in hella late. it was glorious. The "morning" was pretty chill except for roommate drama, but we just hung around the house until I had to go to my doctor's appointment. When I got back Willi and I drove up to Santa Rosa to give my brother some money from my mom. When we finally got back in town we drove through St. Helena again and stopped by Paul's to pick some miner's lettuce from his "backyard." Oh and I forgot that we stopped by the cia and "borrowed" some veggies...in Ben's words it was "sexy baby fennel." When we were done being gatherers we went and picked up Ben and Kristin who had been passed out, so it took a bit for them to get shit together. We then proceeded to Whole Foods and we were there until closing trying to pick what to have for dinner. The boys finally decided to roast some whole chickens. We went to Safeway and got the means to make some cocktails. We FINALLY got back home and the boys started cooking (at like 11 pm) Kristin made us all Vodka cranberry drinks and us girls played some intense games of speed until dinner was ready. Some pretty epic pictures were taken of the four of us. Ben, Kristin, and I were plastered, Willi not so much, but he still knows how to have fun. heh. We finally started eating dinner at like 12:15 or so. It was pretty funny because we all started out eating our salads with our forks and finished it by eating with our fingers and moved on to our chicken with our fingers as well. It was that delicious. :) after dinner kristin and I passed out in the living room (conveniently in time for clean up). we had some red wine and dark chocolate that we were all supposed to go eat out in the vineyard, but Kristin and I were done for. So the boys frolicked in the vineyard for a couple hours while we were at home fast asleep.

Saturday morning my alarm went off at 8:15...disgustingly early. But Willi and I got up and got ready and took Ben and Kristin back (oh and ps...this short time in the morning was the only time I saw Ben sober this entire weekend). We then proceeded to pick up my uncle and drive him up to Roseville. By the time we finally got there I thought I was going to be so so SO sick. Willi drove home and I slept it off (sorry boo. heh). But I think he was secretly trying to wake me up, or at least get me back for sleeping because every time he approached traffic he would slam on the brakes a little too eagerly and my stomach would suddenly be in my throat, ready to be regurgitated. He says he didn't mean too....yeah. RIGHT. lol. So when we got back in to town we found that Ben and Kristin were in St. Helena for some reason, not ready to go to the city like they should have been. So we went and got them so they could go back to the house and change. On the way though, we stopped in a field of mustard and took a bunch of fun pictures. We eventually headed out to the city for our adventure. We decided to go in to the Lower Haight area where Idle Hand Tattoo shop is. Kristin and I were able to get walk in appointments. She got some cute angel wings on her foot and I finally got my "mom" sparrow. I decided against getting the "mom" and "dad" banners beneath each because I feel they wouldn't fit properly with the angle of the birds. It looks phenomenal, way better than the first one. This guy's lines are really great. He was definitely a bit of a digger though and there were spots that were just extremely painful, but I had Willi's hand to hold so I got through it fine. The dude finished in like 20 minutes. it was awesome. And I have an appointment scheduled for the 28th to come and get another piece done on my arm. I'm stoked. So anyways, after the tattoos we kind of went separate ways with Ben and Kristin because they were meeting some friends and going to Bourbon and Branch and Willi and I didn't feel like dropping $12/drink. We went up Haight to the awesome Hooka bar and hung out for a couple hours. They had belly dancers and it was awesome. So much fun.





Finally Sunday came. Woke up at a decent hour. Ben and Kristin came and said their good byes and had breakfast with us. Then Willi and I spent the rest of the day hanging out in his room listening to music mostly until I had to take him to work. It was a truly incredible weekend. I had a ridiculous amount of fun.

early weekend fun

I did not have to work today, soooo I went out last night to Anna's in St. Helena to meet Willi after work with Ben and Kristen. I had so much fun, it was nuts. I hadn't had that kind of fun in SUCH a long time. I hadn't gone dancing in over two years. It's fun to have someone that will dance with you.

i'll write more about this weekend later.......

You're my good feeling

I forgot how much I absolutely love Something Corporate. Maybe because there was about two years where someone never let me listen to them (amongst a few other bands I forgot I loved...). regardless....Go listen to this song...it's one of my favorites by them.

http://www.jango.com/stations/118781406/tunein?song_id=105102

Tonight I watch the lights go out in your house
Wondering how I could get so deep
And you can still get to sleep
In vain I blame my trembling on the cold air
And I can't hide that I relied on you
Like yellow does on blue

And you're my good feeling, I'm kneeling
Inside her room she paints me blue
And you are my reason for breathing
Inside her room she paints me blue

Atlanta started raining on me
And teenage love was underground
Tonight I break the surface
Atlanta started raining on me

A New York girl was claiming me
And naming me
And destiny get nervous and

And you're my good feeling, I'm kneeling
Inside her room she paints me blue
And you are my reason for breathing
Inside her room she paints me blue, again

And you're my good feeling, I'm kneeling
Inside her room she paints me blue
And you are my reason for breathing
Inside her room she paints me blue, again

Atlanta started raining on me
on me
Atlanta started raining on me
on me

meet me in outer space

Weekend after weekend, I just keep having an incredible time.

This weekend started off early as I got to leave work early for a dentist appointment. Then I got to see my wonderful friend kamecia and she put me back to normal (I have dark hair again). Unfortunately a bit allergic to that too...we'll figure it out one day. Anyways, after I was done in Sonoma I went and got Willi and we went to dinner at my parents. Kay, Tom, and Steve were there too...so basically it was a whole family thing. It was fun. After dinner Willi and I played Life with my mom. haha. Willi won, but I refrained from the throwing the board at him-I'm obviously growing as a person. lol.

Satruday was an incredibly gorgeous day so we decided to go to the beach. It was just as gorgeous over there, just a bit more windy. It was so nice to go out there, I hadn't been in quite some time and the last beach trip was weird. When we went home Willi made some pizza and we watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall-but I fell asleep before my favorite part :( We spent this morning watching Weeds and just hanging out. When I came home I watched an episode of Dexter and fell asleep. I wish I wouldn't have because I really wanted to hang out with Kamecia but I couldn't help it. And now I need to work on my history paper.

I'm excited to meet Willi's friend Ben this week. I haven't met a lot of his friends yet, I actually don't think I've met any that are outside of work. So it should be cool.



Meet me in outer space
WE could spend the night;
Watch the earth come up.
I've grown tired of that place;
Won't you come with me?
WE could start again.

How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew.

Meet me in outer space.
I will hold you close, if you're afraid of heights.
I need you to see this place, it might be the only way
That I can show you how
It feels to be inside of you.

How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew.
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.

You are stellar x 2

How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew.
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do.
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do

pysch

I'm thinking more and more that Pyschology might end up being my major. Somewhat ironically, this means that to get a better career in the field, I'll need more schooling than originally desired (i'm sure you all know my absolute love for school....). But at this point I'm very interested in it and a profession in the field would allow me to help people, something I've always subconsciously found myself doing. Nearly all the relationships I've gotten into over the years have been with males with messed up family lives and sometimes seriously traumatic experiences. Something I've always longed to help them all with. Then with everything that my family has dealt with in the addictions department...well that's something else I've always felt the need to understand and correct. The more I think about it, the more I think that it's the right direction for me to move in. We'll see how it goes I guess...

graphic

I have these really graphic and slightly disturbing dreams when I watch too much Dexter in one sitting. I think yesterday may have been too much...but the show is SO awesome.

Jean Grey from X-files...

Big surprise here: my weekend was fantastic again.

First off was dinner on Friday. Willi made chicken tacos for my parents and they loved them. I did too. They were delicious...but don't ask me if they're better than my mothers...they're both delicious...I can not compare the two. My mom and I gave him a hard time about not having read Dr. Suess books. After we were done at my parents we drove out to Scandia in Rohnert Park and played Mini Golf...and air hockey, skee ball, and video games of course. They closed earlier than the website said though so we didn't get to stay as long as planned unfortunately...because I was on my way to kicking his ass at air hockey ;) We came back to yountville and went to the bar and I saw Eric Camera. Spoke to him for a moment which was nice because I haven't seen him in FOREVER. but it was quick and somewhat awkward feeling. oh well, I don't care. If that's how his friends are going to be, that's how they're going to be. We enjoyed the rest of our night and stayed up far too late considering we were supposed to wake up "early".

Saturday was wondercon!! We left the house late and hit some traffic on the way there and subsequently missed the Watchmen panel-but we would have had to get there super fucking early to even get into the panel anyways...I'm not too upset about it. The movie comes out on Friday. I'm reading the book finally. Anyways, back to wondercon...we met up with Kamecia and Kyle and I think he liked them a lot, but I mean honestly- what's not to like? heh. Saw some interesting folks, like the 6 foot 4 tranny dressed as Jean Grey. We made fun of Willi for not knowing things because we're geeks. We watched the Star Trek panel and I was STOKED to see Zachary Quinto...I love him so much. I'm not Trek fan...but I must say that movie looks incredible. We had to leave early because of Don's housewarming party. I would have liked to have stayed longer, but oh well. I had a good time for the few hours we were there. Don's party was nice, Nick, however, did not show up and I was pretty disappointed about that. We stopped at Scandia on our way back into town and played some more air hockey and I was obviously having an off day and lost every single game. lol. We then had dinner at Zuzu's which was pretty good. He made me try some fish. I ate the whole thing, it was actually somewhat tasty. As much as I enjoyed the food, I wish we had sat in Melissa's section because our service was pretty terrible...The dessert Melissa sent us was fantastic. When we finally got home I was pooped. The day was so long. I passed out pretty quickly.

Today was a super lazy day. After I got home I took a nap for like 3 hours...it was awesome. And I even got a tid bit of homework done. :)

you cut me off mid funk!

I effing love this show.






ps. this weekend will be awesome. I already know it.

happiness

I feel good today. fantastic really. woke up being happily held (and extremely tired). I almost blew my lid at work, but I saw my boy at lunch and I was still feeling good about it, otherwise I may have punched someone in the face and gotten fired for it. So thanks for that calming, happy effect you have on me. :)

and I think everything between my friend and I is good again. For that I am so grateful. I love you. Truly.

Majorly looking forward to the weekend. So much to be excited for.

pink snow <3

we have quite a few cherry blossom trees on the backside of work, where most of us park, and with the windy-ness of the past few days, the blossoms have spread everywhere. I was slightly confused when I looked out the back door at work yesterday and could have sworn that Fed's car was covered in snow. Upon closer inspection I saw that all the cars parked along the tree line were totally covered in this delightful snow. When I got even closer to the door I realized that they were actually covered in cherry blossoms and I couldn't help but smile at the sight. As much as I love the thought of pink snow, I absolutely love cherry blossoms.


In case you were wondering, I do not park along the tree line, therefore my car = still clean....or rather, not covered in cherry blossoms...you can hardly call it clean.

another wonderful weekend

had another fabulous weekend. On Friday night Willi came with me to my parents house for dinner and that went really well in my mind. He likes my Dad a lot. I think my mom is still warming up to the whole idea of me finding someone new. She didn't exactly love all my past choices. But I think upon first impression she at least likes him, which is good. And Trent had a fun time playing light sabers with him. All together a very good evening. We then went to his house and watched Pineapple Express and I basically passed the eff out like half way through it. "ah sick. you threw up in my printer"

Then on Saturday we eventually woke up and went to the city. We ate lunch at a good Dim sum place and then walked down the embarcadero to Pier 39 and walked around. I got a crap load of candy and then we discovered there was Air Hockey in the arcade...got a little sweaty it was so intense. lol. We each won a game. We eventually walked back to the car and drove home on the scenic 101 and decided to go see a movie in Santa Rosa. Please people, don't bother watching Push. it was terrible. lol. It's a shame when good looking people like Chris Evans can't really act. To be fair, no one in that movie could. But anyways, that was just about the whole day. it was really fun.

today I plan on seeing my good friend Kamecia, probably doing some laundry, attempting some homework, watching Dexter and maybe a little Freaks And Geeks too...we'll see. :)

Geek time...

WHY ISN'T IT FRIDAY YET???? it was a short work week but i feel like it's been so long. it's time for friday.

so dinner at the parents tmrw night. I'm excited. we changed the dinner plans cuz I could tell my mom was nervous and everything so I wanted it to be a stress free as possible for her so we're getting pizza. which really is no problem with me because i've been hella wanting pizza...I go through food phases...currently it's a need for pizza. Theeeeeeen on Saturday Willi and I are going to spend the day in the city. I'm excited. I haven't been to the city in a while. Especially not to just hang out and walk around.

Next weekend is Wondercon! I'm excited. Don and Rosey's housewarming party is on Saturday though, so I haven't totally figured out exactly what day(s) I'm going or if I go on Saturday if I'll just stay half the day or what. I totally almost forgot about this. I feel like it's usually later in March, so good thing Don mentioned Tommie going to it today. I kind of really want to go on Saturday, even if for just half the day because they have the Watchmen panel in the morning.

Anyways...the next two weekends have exciting things in store for me. I'm stoked.

smitten

so willi has friday and saturday off this week. So on Friday he's coming to my parents house with me and he has offered to cook. Mind you, this whole thing was HIS idea. he knows I go there every friday for dinner and when he found out he wasn't working he asked to come along. I was delighted. And then on Saturday we're going to the city for some lunch and I'm supposed to plan the rest of the day...I was thinking the Sharks game because it's a day game and it'd be fun, the cheapest tickets I can find are $65 each for not great seats so we'll have to put that off. I'll think of something else fun.

I spent the entire weekend with Willi basically. So this morning waking up in my bed...alone...was very cold and a crappy way to start the day (and it seemed to foreshadow the work day which made me want to kill everyone...) BUUUUUT he's meeting me for lunch tomorrow. So I'm happy about that.

life is great as of late. :)

v-day

valentine's day was awesome. :)

ps. i'm shocked yet delighted and excited to hear that the Penguins have a new head coach.

fun fun

i got my ass handed to me last night at bowling. first game the score wasn't too far apart but the second game willi more than doubled my score. haha. then we went and got food then went back to his place and went to the bar. lots of fun last night and got to sleep in a little too.

i'm going to go shopping today. i need some new pants...and maybe new other stuff too. haha. i usually can't restrain myself when i have some money and decide to go shopping. after i get home and willi gets off work we're gonna hang out some more. dunno what we'll do yet though. but whatever it is it'll be fun i'm sure. :)

happy valentine's day! <3

consumed with what's to transpire

willi's making me dinner tonight. i'm stoked.


but i'm sad cuz tmrw is nick's last day. don and i are depressed.

HELL yes!

penguins beat the sharks. go team!


it was an awesome game to watch. great playing by both teams. the sharks took a few bad penalties, but lucky for them my penguins are 23rd in the nhl on the power play. hah. we did have a few real real REAL close chances in the 4 on 3 though!

anyways...super proud of my team for pulling through and beating the second best in the league! we've won the last 3 out of 4...good sign for us. we're playing well!

another incredible night

so we went to ubuntu last night and had a totally amazing time. the food was freaking FANTASTIC, and we were VIPs so we ordered a couple dishes and had way more sent out to us. and dessert was flipping AMAZING. never tasted anything that awesome. there was one dish i could have done without but everything else was SOOO good. we drove around for a while after sitting at ubuntu for a long time.

i have such a great time with him it's kinda crazy. :)

weekend

my weekend has been utterly fantastic. friday night i got to hang out with kamecia and lily when they came to my parents house and it was just like all the good times. the kids loved playing. on saturday i went to vallejo with my mom and got some lunch and went to costco and bought the friggin awesome twilight box set with all the books in hardback. then later that night i went out to Bilco's with one of jessie's coworkers, willi, and we had a totally awesome time. it's kind of a trip to be able to drink in public...oh and i'm really terrible at pool...but i think i magically got a little better with each drink...but it could have also been that i just didn't notice as much. lol. but seriously....i haven't had that much fun in a very long time. i'm just in a really fantastic mood now.

buuut i have to do some more HW. :(

but i think willi and i are gonna get together again on Tuesday since he should be off. so i'm looking forward to that.

now on to that crappy business hw...

FOTC

yay!!!! my aunt is buying me 2 tix to the Flight Of The Conchords show on May 25th for v-day. It rocks not having a date and getting sympathy concert tix instead. lol

but seriously...i'm so stoked. it's gonna be awesomely fun. If Nick doesn't go then i'm know plenty of other folks who love them too! but i really hope Nick goes cuz we have so much fun talking about them at work.

stuff and other stuff

today was pretty fantastic. it was one of those awesomely fun days at work when i came out and was workin with the guys. i'm gonna miss nick a bunch when he leaves. his last day is the 13th. how will i survive when only Don is there to tease and ridicule me? lol

Flight of The Conchords are playing in Berkeley in May and Nick and I have decided that we absolutely must go. We'll see if he keeps his promise...for once. lol I'm going regardless. kay and tom wanna go too! it'll be fun.

so i haven't said much about my birthday trip other than the fact that it was awesome. that's all there really is to say though! i had an absolutely amazing time and i did so much and quite shockingly didn't spend ALL my money, haha. when we came home we went to Jessie's company party at the Martini House...i got extremely drunk on some really fantastic champagne. it was very fun. not as much fun when i got pulled over on the way home that night and basically cried my way out of a ticket. but then all was ok. haha.

21

i'm 21. it rocks. i had a few drinks today...in public places. sweet. disneyland is awesome. life = great

love love love

i love disneyland.

i'm effing exhausted today but so happy. it was about 80 degrees here and the park was pretty empty. we did sooooooooooooooo much today the longest line we had to wait in was only about 30 minutes...and that was only for like 2 rides. everything else we practically walked right on to.

TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAY!!!

Jessie and I are leaving tomorrow morning!!!!! it's finally here!!!!!! i'm SOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo excited!


oh and i feel a million times better today. took lots of vitamins and what not. feel great today!

sickly

i don't feel real great right now. my ears kinda hurt and the back of my throat hurts. if i'm getting sick right before my trip i'm gonna be very mad. i want to feel good in disneyland. not like this. so i'm loading up on vitamin c and lots of water. of course if i do still feel this way come disney time...i do believe that disneyland is the magical cure all and i'll feel great. :)

anyways...work is starting to pick up again thank god. the days were getting to be so long and boring-even the days i didn't stay for 8 hours! it was bad. school has started and i have homework again. :( oh well. at least i have my eyes set on a goal now-makes it easier.

i like someone that's off limits and it blows. :-/ well it's good that i have whatever it is i have...its fun and keeps me in a good mood.

i love Kings of Leon...i really think they have climbed in to my top 5 bands.

Who's the best??? EAST COAST!!!

12-11 in favor of the east. we kick ass. fun game to watch though. and i love the fact that it went to the shoot out. so intense and exciting.

my favorite

i got to hang out with Lily tonight. it was wonderful. i can't describe how good it was to see her. i missed her SO much. she kept showing me everything and we played with nearly ALL her toys. i love her so much. i am just so glad i finally got to see her again. it was awesome. i'm so happy right now.

AGAIN?!?!?!

HE'S MISSING THE ALL STAR GAME AGAIN??????? WHAT THE FUCK??? A KNEE INJURY?????? ST. LOUIS IS NO CROSBY.

OMG. I'm so pissed. i've been looking forward to watching the all star game all effing month. UGH.

FUCKING LAME.

Pens 3 - Rangers 0

look at my boys start to make their comeback. 3 wins in the last 4 games. And today's win puts us in 8th place in the Eastern Conference. We're back in the playoff running and we will only climb from here. Crosby is back in after a minor scare. Whitney is back in. And Gonchar will be back in soon.

West Coast, be prepared to be be beat at the All Star Game next weekend. My penguins make up a good portion of the team. :)

new favorite show

i spent all day watching season 1 on Netflix and i'm about to start season 2. i'm obsessed.

Battlestar...

I just finished watching the season premier of the final season of Battlestar Gallactica and they revealed who the final cylon is...but now i'm super confused about another character because i thought FOR SURE they were one...but they apparently aren't...unless there are more models than the 12 which brings up so many more questions.

i'm a nerd.

this song is so sexy....

song of the day....for right now anyways

Meeting Again For The First Time

Barely able to keep the lids open
At times I might think I need the rest
but who would want to go back there?
It's already hard enough to say I need it.
bad memories and good times.
Keep me from believing that I can still jump off.
No longer, no longer the same.
you grow accustomed to seeing the sun in a different location.
Standing still becomes a chore.
Anxious to get the pavement moving.
The easy solution to this and everything else is to move on.
It comes equipped with the last word.
they find ways to drag you along
and dismantle what you created.
It's already hard enough to say I need it
Bad memories and good times.
Keep me from believing that I can still jump off.
No longer, no longer the same.
You grow accustomed to seeing the sun in a different location.
Standing still becomes a chore.
Anxious to get the pavement moving.
Happiness is not having to lie on the floor dead alone.

school stuff

i saw a counselor today at school and started to kinda figure out what i'm going to do. this is my plan...for now. haha.

At JC: complete the CSU Gen ED requirements (For this i need about 21 more credits). Get AA in Philosophy/Humanities or possibly Pyschology(Need about12-18 more credits...but these credits can also come from the 21 others i need...). Do as much as is offered to count towards my BA in English (only about 5 classes that will count are offered here)

At SJSU: Get BA in English. Possibly do a year of this in some far away country that kicks ass.

so I'm looking at least another year and a half to two years here in Napa. After that I'm really leaning towards San Jose State and then maybe something in England to finish it up.

what will i do with these degrees? i have no clue. haha. no i'm kidding, as of now I want to be a highschool english teacher. If that sticks-who knows?! but that's the plan as of now. No matter what i do these degrees will mean making more money cuz i'm obviously smart. haha.

why God is it only Tuesday???

It feels like the work week should already be over...but it's NOT. oh well. the rest of the week should be better considering it's minus one of the most annoying people ever. work is always more fun when i work with my boys. trash talking each other all day is so fun...and it always ends with some joke about nick's g/f. it's perfect. lol

i've been bruising extremely easily lately. it's strange. and some of the bruises are slightly embarassing! hah

i went to yoga last night, it felt awesome but the room has two complete walls of mirrors...i'm now incredibly body conscious and not feeling as terrific as i was. my hips are very large.....and my stomach but the worst part is it's not all the way around and it doesn't hang over or anything...it sticks out. so...basically...it looks like a baby bump. NOT COOL WITH ME. it only encourages me to keep up with my crunches though. hopefully soon i'll like what i see in the mirrors a lot more. i don't know if it's just cuz i've lost weight around my ribs and back (basically everywhere on my torso EXCEPT my stomach!) or if they really have gotten bigger, but my boobs have been looking larger these days which is utterly fantastic. haha. i think it's just because of the weight loss because i haven't needed a new bra size or anything. it's awesome though! ...and i now realize how horribly vain this paragraph makes me sound. lol. oh well.

i think i've been feeling a little more stress the past few days because i've gotten a couple heart palpitations again. i hadn't had any in a long time and then i got one yesterday and i got one today. i think it's because of everything that's been on my mind lately is starting to be a lot. my brother being the main thing. haven't heard much from him since last week, which i THINK is a good sign. the counselors have said that he's participating in everything and he's been ON TIME for everything too. it kind of blows me (and my family) away. it's funny too because the 2nd or 3rd day he was up there his laptop broke, and he can't have his phone there so that means he's without technology for the most part there. and shockingly enough, he seems to be dealing with it quite well! i'm trying to not get my hopes up about anything, but i REALLY want this to work.

well i'm pooped and going to relax a little before i go to the gym... toodles.

getting so close

i just need to say how effing excited I am about my disneyland trip. and yes, the fact that i'm turning 21. The trip will be WAY fun. it's too bad i couldn't bring more friends a long. that'd be awesome. but as it stands, this will be AWESOME. i love disneyland.

and when i get back you can bet your asses i'll be going to a restaurant/bar with my friends and celebrating the fact that i can finally legally go out and drink with them! :)

17 days until Disneyland, 19 days until birthday!!!!!!!!

Starting over

For my friends who care and would like to follow what's going on in my life, i'll post here more than myspace because i think this is a little more personal...i have another one-but it's extremely personal.  

today is another kick back day but slightly more productive than yesterday. Yesterday I didn't get out of bed until about 3. I woke up around 11:30 or so and then finished my book (Dead Until Dark) and then went back to sleep. Haha. Very lazy. But i did do ALL my laundry and then washed my car too. so i didn't waste the WHOLE day. today i'm out of bed much earlier-but who knows what i'll do today. I might go see Don and Rosey's new house later. It's in Suisun. They're so excited, and i'm excited for them. 

so my current musical obsession is Kings Of Leon. I love them. This song rocks...